The Southerner —REDEFINED 

Friday, March 13, 2026

Before we proceed, it is my expectation that I am writing for adults and exposed minds. And if by chance , this is is your first time of reading me, then you better brace up. I’m a bold and audacious columnist. So fasten your seat belt, because you are in for a long ride.

It is sad how kissing has lost its power. Today, people make love as if they are simply performing a duty, like someone having sex with a street girl. What I still cannot comprehend is how people can comfortably give each other oral sex but cannot kiss each other.

Kissing on its own is a love language. It speaks deeper than words. A kiss says a lot. From a kiss, one can often tell if the person they are about to be intimate with is truly into them.

Before we talk about how a kiss can reveal where one stands in a relationship, let us address a serious problem which many are unwilling to admit. Many people simply do not know how to kiss.

But before we talk about the essence of our conversation, let us walk down memory lane.

I remember the good old days when I would sneak into my eldest sister’s room after she left for school and secretly read her magazines. My favourite was Hints Magazine. I used to enjoy reading the erotic stories in those magazines, the forbidden sexual relationships between step-siblings and step-parents. Sex with the next-door neighbour, and I found them completely fascinating. We had such bold writers back then.

Thinking about it now, those stories shaped me in many ways. They helped build my imagination and contributed to the writer I have become today. I truly miss those days. We need magazines like that again.

But back to the matter of kissing. It is honestly surprising that many adults still do not know how to properly kiss. Many people have been traumatized by terrible kissing experiences in the past. Some people even grow to dislike kissing simply because they have encountered bad kissing.

Kissing, when done right, is supposed to be beautiful. It starts with eye contact and facial expression. You are not a robot. Show some emotion on your face.

For women, the desire should show on your face. A seductive look, checking him up and down while your chest rises gently with your breathing, holding that innocent, yet seductive stare. Move your eyes to his lips, then back to his eyes, and bite the lower corner of your lip slightly.

You must actually want to be kissed. You must be into the man for that true passion to reflect in your face and body. Passion cannot truly be faked.

For the men, please stop the robotic look. A seductive and passionate gaze can make a woman run to your lips. Pull out your dominant aura. Every man has it, but many do not know how to unlock it. Make her feel something without trying too hard.

Look at her with intent to dominate, yet mixed with a seductive look. Move your eyes to her lips. Swallow slowly, letting your Adam’s apple move, showing the intensity of your desire.

Look at her body, then return to her eyes. Even while talking with her, you can give this look. It creates sudden heat and anticipation, preparing the moment for a passionate kiss.

Now you must know how to actually kiss. A kiss begins with two lips coming together, not two tongues crashing into each other. Please keep your tongue to yourself at first. Do not traumatize people. Control your saliva. Kissing is not a saliva exchange competition.

As the lips begin to move slowly and in rhythm, you can gradually introduce your tongue. But you must seek permission before inserting your tongue into someone’s mouth.

How do you seek permission? Gently touch or lick your partner’s lips with the tip of your tongue. If they respond positively, you can slowly introduce your tongue. If they welcome it, then both of you can tease each other’s tongues and deepen the kiss.

As the passion grows, the kiss can become rougher or slower depending on what both people enjoy and can handle.

Just remember to control your saliva and swallow naturally. Do not accumulate saliva while kissing.

Kissing is a beautiful art, one that many people have forgotten. We must stop making love like our parents who believed only in penetration and nothing else. Intimacy is deeper than that.

Kissing is an amazing language. When done well, it can develop feelings faster than sex. It creates a deep emotional connection, sometimes even deeper than sex itself.

Kissing passionately with closed eyes can feel like pure ecstasy. A good kiss says:

“I love you.”

“I want you.”

“I see you.”

“I value you.”

“I am truly into you.”

But sadly, we have lost the use of this language.

The language of kissing is slowly going silent in homes and relationships.

Mary and Onome were lovers. Their sex life was amazing, and they shared heated, passionate kisses. They were deeply in love, or so it seemed, until Mary met Reuben.

Reuben was fun, funny, nice, and sweet, very different from Onome. He knew how to compliment her and made her feel special. To Mary, he was just a friend at first, but gradually her feelings began to shift toward Reuben.

One day she met up with Reuben, and the growing attraction between them could no longer be ignored. They eventually made love. The sex was amazing, but the kiss felt like fireworks. That was what shook her the most.

Sex with Onome had always been great, but with Reuben it felt different, and the kiss made her weak.

A few weeks later, Mary and Onome tried to make love again. When they kissed, she felt nothing. She quickly ended the kiss and moved straight to oral sex and other things. Onome overlooked it.

But during another encounter, he tried to kiss her again and noticed she kept turning her face away. When they tried to kiss it was brief and without passion.

This continued for weeks, and Onome began to suspect something was wrong. He noticed that she still responded physically when they had sex. She still got wet. She still moaned and reacted the way she used to. Yet the kiss had changed.

The kiss was the problem. Eventually, Onome investigated further and discovered the truth. The change in Mary’s feelings had everything to do with someone else. The truth was too painful to forgive, so he ended the relationship.

Now imagine if Mary and Onome had never valued kissing as a foundation of their intimacy. Onome might have remained in that relationship much longer, believing everything was still fine.

He might have stayed in a loveless relationship, wasting his time and setting himself up for an even worse heartbreak.

Sometimes you know when someone has stopped loving you simply by the way they kiss you. You can even tell whether the sex will be good from the way someone kisses.

Yet many people ignore this powerful tool that chemistry has to offer. Instead, we waste years in relationships and marriages waiting to hear painful truths when sometimes, a kiss would have delivered the message long before words ever could.

Many people believe sex is the deepest form of intimacy. They are wrong. Sex can happen without love. Bodies can move without emotion. But a real kiss exposes everything.

When the passion disappears from a kiss, it is often because the love has already left the room.